My 10 GOAT Workout Albums: Part 1
[reluctantly] in my gym-bro era
Last fall, I highlighted my favorite albums to put on in the evening hours, as a notorious, bad-at-sleeping, connoisseur. Now it’s spring, and I want to move! Kind of. Sometimes. Here are some gym recs.
and all that could have been by nine inch nails (2002, industrial rock)
Nothing beats a live album on a run you aren’t quite ready for. Each plodding step on the treadmill becomes a jump in a concert hall, beer-buzzed and beaming with the unfettered joy of hearing your favorite song live. Or perhaps you’re on that stage, adrenaline fueling you to keep moving, keep pushing, keep giving your audience their money’s worth. After all: When motivation is hard to come by, what could be better than a full crowd cheering you on?
Nine Inch Nails is one of my favorite artists, full-stop. But they are particularly one of my favorite artists to work out to, musically and lyrically. If the god-tier sonic chaos of “Wish” doesn’t push you to your limit, surely the hellborne rage it inspires will do the trick. (And if rage isn’t your thing, try fear — This version of “March of the Pigs” kinda sounds like a threat…)
Ultimately though, this one just flows phenomenally, dripping with energy and brutal to the brim. When it comes to working out, motivation is your most valuable currency. Spite, applause, fear…no matter what inspires you, this album’s got your back.
essential song: “March of the Pigs”
pair with: the workout you really don’t feel like doing
the lull factor: 2/10 - It’s certainly not a low point on the album, but skip “Hurt” if you don’t like sobbing uncontrollably on the leg press.
we cool? by jeff rosenstock (2015, pop punk)
Pop punk gets a bad rap. I am among its staunchest defenders. And Jeff Rosenstock is among its coolest, snarkiest, most valiant soldiers.
We Cool? makes me feel young and old at the same time. The sounds here are nostalgic, freeing, and fun. But the lyrics hit so close to home that it hurts. I remember hearing this album for the first time in 2015, during my senior year of high school. I thought I got it then. Now I’m 25, feeling daily like I’ve done my whole life all wrong and can’t turn the damn car around. Perhaps if I tried, I’d get an image like the one on this album’s cover: Safely back at home, but far worse for wear.
Why, you might ask, would you want to put on such existential-crisis-inducing music at the gym? Because, my dear friend, lamenting and then overthrowing your limits is precisely what the gym is for! Think about the future, think about your melancholy, think about your long-lost, teenaged fantasies, and then throw them out the fucking window. Who you are today is bigger and brighter than who you have ever been before. Do something new, fresh, revitalizing. Something you yesterday would have loved to try. Something only you today — whether desperate and worn down or glowing with pride — can claim as your own.
essential song: “Nausea”
pair with: something new and exciting you’ve always wanted to try.
the lull factor: 3/10 - This one’s got a fair handful of confessional, singer-songwriter moments. But they’re mostly scattered about, and we all need to rest…right?
monotheist by celtic frost (2006, doom metal)
Lift weights to doom metal. Do it. Maybe you don’t like lifting. Maybe you don’t like doom metal. You should still try it: Like a flawless wine & charcuterie pairing, they are greater than the sum of their parts.
…I, of course, think the parts are independently great too.
Celtic Frost is best known for their thrashier work, embellished with the iconic EUGH’s of vocalist Tom G. Warrior. But Monotheist offers up a slow, grinding alternative that is every bit as rife with vital energy. It manages to be absolutely crushing while still feeling cathartic and triumphant. Are you being trampled, or are you the one doing the trampling? Who cares! Pick the one that gets you feeling vicious.
essential song: “A Dying God Coming Into Human Flesh”
pair with: heavy deadlifts in an old, ratty metal tee
the lull factor: 0/10 — Here’s the thing: This whole thing is slow, but you already knew that. The vibe is immaculate and consistent.
lady wood by tove lo (2016, electropop)
When it comes to picking music for a run, cadence can make or break your results — So as much as I love weirdo prog folk, I can’t say I bring it to the gym, and I don’t think I’d be too happy if I did! (I have a tendency to run precisely to the beat of whatever I’m listening to, so a time signature change could be lethal to my ankles.)
Enter Tove Lo’s Lady Wood: an anthemic, electric pop album that’s set to consistent, pounding, 4-on-the-floor house beats. It’s a fabulous metronome for any tempo-based gym shenanigans, and it’s brilliantly fun to boot. Whether it’s the filthy pre-chorus drop of “True Disaster” or the casual confidence of “Cool Girl”s hook, this album is jam-packed with addictive, hard candy moments that will leave you jittery with anticipation on repeat listens.
essential song: “WTF Love Is”
pair with: high intensity cardio
the lull factor: 1/10 - A few tracks like “Vibes” and “Keep it Simple” act as brief reprieves from the album’s typical breakneck pace.
joy as an act of resistance by idles (2018, post-punk)
Rarely do you find an album where the title says it all —- It’s not a song title, it’s not a quote… it’s a flawless description. Idles’s second album is by far my favorite of theirs, an exuberant post-punk riot that pairs their signature, noisy sound with lyrics like defiant affirmations. This album is all about self love, community care, and relentless perseverance.
When it comes to matching content with form, we don’t often associate punk with this kind of message. The average person will describe punk as “angry”, and…perhaps this isn’t misguided. This album is plenty angry too, dripping with sardonic spite and the righteous rage of an activist. But it also harnesses something that’s been around since punk’s beginnings, and brings it to the forefront: The brilliant idea that sound can carry all our big emotions, spinning and reeling in a vicious cyclone. That we can build communities and starved-for motivation from the shrapnel it leaves behind.
essential song: “Danny Nedelko”
pair with: a punching bag and a print-out of a conservative politician’s face — pick anyone
the lull factor: 3/10 - This album’s slower points are truly heart-wrenching, a double whammy for the unsuspecting. But the boisterous, speedy high points make up for it.
Thanks, as always, for reading. Are lists fun? I feel like lists are fun. Tell me if lists aren’t fun!
Next week, I’ll have a little playlist ready to go for this series. Until then: Move your body in a way that feels exciting and good to you. Exploring what you’re capable of is one of life’s greatest joys.
Clare